Continuing my current ponderings as I read The Life God Blesses
Jim Cymbala states:
The challenge before us is to have faith in God, and the hardest part of faith is the waiting. ... To receive the blessing we need, we must believe and keep on believing, to wait and keep on waiting. We need to wait in prayer, wait with our Bibles open as we confess His promises, wait in joyful praise and worship of the God who will never forget our case, and wait as we continue serving others in His name.
We've come to realize Ron's medical issues have been going on for so long now; the seemingly endless waiting causing us to grow so weary, we no longer know what to pray. As we discussed and pondered, we were reminded that throughout the New Testament when people came to Jesus He would point blank ask them "what do you want from Me?"
Reflecting on His directness has caused us to step back and evaluate...what do we want from Him? Seems like an easy enough question:
- We want Ron to be healed.
- We want a "normal" life....one where we don't have to be tied to a schedule that revolves around home health, lab draws, doctor visits, PICC line maintenance, medication schedules and TPN management/administration.
- We want to put behind us the overwhelming financial burdens brought on by continued medical issues.
- We want our children to not have to worry about school loans they've had to take over due to our inability to help out.
The list of wants could go on and on!
There's nothing wrong with wanting these things. Hey, even Jesus wanted things to be easier.
"My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me...." Matthew 26:39
And it's recorded in Luke 22:44 that:
"He was in such agony of spirit, that His sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood"
before concluding in Matthew:
"Yet I want Your will not Mine"
As we examine this question, what do we truly want from Him, we find:
as hard as the last few years have been, (we would not wish those trials on anyone!) we can honestly say we wouldn't trade what we've learned, how we've grown, the blessing of experiencing God at work and the encouragement and provision we've received through His people, for anything!
C. S. Lewis so profoundly wrote:
"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
Ouch! We resemble that!
And still, we have the waiting...
Yet, just when it seems we can't take it any longer; God sends a glimmer of hope! We received an e-mail message from Dr. A (GI):
"I had a great discussion with one of the US experts on reflux disease regarding you and have great ideas to move forward with. I am very hopeful and excited about the new options."
Ron already had an appointment scheduled for tomorrow (Wednesday) with the hematologist/oncologist at Presby, so Dr. A said to come by to see him while there and he'd go over these exciting new options with us.
We are cautiously optimistic. We're trying not to get our hopes up too much, but we want to believe God does have a plan for Ron's complete healing. Could it even begin this week?
Please join us in praying. Oh, how we want Ron to be healed! But, above all else, pray that no matter how things turn out; we will continue to keep the faith. We will continue to believe His sovereign will is truly what is best for us, no matter how painful it may be at times. And that our desires, will fall in line with His will.
Oh, and please be patient with us in getting out an update...though we meet with Dr. A tomorrow, it's to go over a new plan of action; we most likely won't have any definitives for a while.
Much love!
"On You I wait all the day" Psalm 25:5
"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14
"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1 NLT
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