I Still Believe

Friday proved to be a l-o-n-g day at Presby. We had to arrive by 8, however procedure didn't get started until 11:30. Dr. D said it would take about 2 hours to replace the PICC, super-size the G-tube and get J-tube inserted and threaded down to optimal area of intestines.

2 hours passed; then 3 and then 4...and I'm trolling the vending machines for some powdered-sugar donuts; my go to food when I'm feeling anxious at Presby. Fortunately/unfortunately, there were none to be found.

Finally, I'm told he's finished and has been taken to recovery. A few minutes later Dr. D comes out to talk with me. He was disappointed to report that he was unable to place the J-tube. He was able to get it into the stomach, however when trying to thread j-tube out of stomach, down the intestines, he kept running into dead ends. He finally gave up at the 4 hour mark.

Ron spent a little time in recovery and was then sent back up to his room in the outpatient unit with plans to be discharged; which he was after a couple of hours of observation, instructions for nothing by mouth for the next 24 hours and a lollipop for the ride home (love those lolli's!).

So, what now?

It's well known that my hubby's anatomy is quite unique due to the numerous surgeries, procedures and complications he's experienced. His intestines are not in the same position as most of us; nor does it follow the normal back and forth loopy pattern. He has many sharp turns and angles, add in all the tethering and it becomes a twisty, turny roller coaster. Dr. D feels when Ron is lying flat on his back his intestines lay over on themselves; which would contribute to the severe reflux he experiences.

Plan is to do a swallow study on Monday morning (at Presby, of course). This will give them a better idea of the path to take. They will then try again to insert the j-tube on Wednesday.

It was a very quiet car ride home. We were both disappointed, discouraged and felt totally beaten down. And, I confess, I wanted to stomp my feet, throw a little hissy fit and scream "REALLY, God? Can't we catch one little break????"

I want to be able to pray "Your will be done" and mean it; but there are times when we just want things to be less complicated and go according to the plans we've made.

But, God....

I could stop right there; that's all I should need to remember...but, God!

Now there's nothing wrong with wanting something; praying for something to go a certain way. Jesus didn't necessarily want to wait so long to go to His friend, Lazarus, before He died. And Lazarus's sisters prayed for God to heal their brother. But God had a different plan in mind. One that went far beyond healing Lazarus's sickness. (John 11:1-45) The key is whether we are willing to give up what we want and submit to His plan. To be able to pray "Your will be done" and really mean it!

No, He doesn't work according to what I want. But, He always works according to His eternal plan. And that plan, my friend, is P-E-R-F-E-C-T!

Please continue to keep my sweet guy in your prayers.

Much love,
Christie

As we were traveling home, this song came on and I felt it really spoke to our hearts. Yes,
believing is a choice.

Enjoy video link below.

I Still Believe - Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4qPceadBMU


Scattered words and empty thoughts
seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
seems I don't know where to start
but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain

'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
with promises I still seem to bear
even when answers slowly unwind
it's my heart I see You prepare
but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every finger tip, washing away my pain

Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe

The only place I can go is into your arms
where I throw to you my feeble prayers
in brokenness I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know You are near

'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe


'Cause I still believe
Well I still believe
I still believe
I still believe