Christie, Do you love Me?

Today, as I was struggling with our current circumstances, grieving over this seemingly unending trial; I was feeling rather emotional and a bit unsettled. I wanted to spend time reading my Bible and in prayer, but I just couldn't get over my personal pity party. Instead I wanted to cry and scream (as I did when I was a little girl) "stop this roller coaster, I want off!"

And then, God's still small voice came to me, saying in a very familiar way:

"Christie, do you truly love Me more than these?" I could hear myself responding "Yes, Lord, You know that I love You!" (True words, but the attitude of my heart was more like a prideful, self-righteous: Haven't I proved my love for You by trying to be faithful to give you glory in all things, no matter the circumstance? You know, not everyone would have been as faithful, or transparent, or....)

And again, He asked:
"Christie, do you love me?" and the appropriate response was: "Yes, Lord, you know that I love You." (translated, in a semi-agitated way: Of course, Lord, can't you see I'm doing everything I can to walk in a manner worthy of Your call?)

"Christie, do you love me?" this time my response was: "Lord, you know all things; You know that I love You." (and with a very humble and quiet spirit: You know I DO love You and I can't do this without You)

These words were first spoken to Peter, as recorded in John 21:15-17. Jesus asked Peter three times if He loved Him and Peter had the responses above (excluding those in parentheses; although that might have been the attitude of his heart, who knows?)

Often when I've read this passage I've sensed (and my heart has resonated with) Peter's injured pride; was his love being doubted? Of course he loved Jesus! These words almost seem like words of rebuke...but, when you love someone, you trust them. You want to please them; You seek to place their wants, needs and desires before your own.

It's one thing to say I love Jesus; but am I willing to trust Him and serve Him wherever and in whatever way He calls; to place Him above myself?

What is your heart's response???

"And now, may the God of peace...equip you with all you need for doing His will. May He produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, all that is pleasing to Him."
Hebrews 13:20-21 New Living Translation

"Care for the flock of God entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly--not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God...lead them by your good example." I Peter 5:2-3 NLT

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you."
I Peter 5:7 NLT

"For everything comes from Him; everything exists by His power and is intended for His glory. To Him be glory evermore. Amen." Romans: 11:36 NLT

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him" Philippians 2:13 NLT